Shalome

I need to get outta Sacramento. I REALLY need to leave now!!!

When you are in a small city where you were born and raised and know almost everyone in town its creates a high school mentality where you have secrets and enemies and gossip all about town. It sucks you in like heroin. The juicy stories warm your blood. But I am old now so this must end.

Recently I discovered a good friend of mine is also good friends with some people I really dislike,so much so that she is attending a birthday party for nemesis. I was in shock. “How DARE she fraternize with such losers? I can’t believe I considered her a friend. Well, now I know I can’t trust her with any secrets!” All of these horrible thoughts ran through my mind about a friend that has not once done anything bad or untrustworthy. I got caught up in the game of California.

No, I do not care for her choice of friends but I am very leery about my own selection of drunks and idiots. When did I start caring about things outside of me? These are things that happen when you are in Sacramento and there is nothing on tv.

Now, I realize I was becoming a paranoid freak and luckily I never popped off on her after a few beers. I just dream about the day I can fly to the great white north and put all the drama behind me. That is until I create more there and have to move to Norway.

Abena

The most important fact about me, is that I like to ride my bike. The second most important fact about me is, I hate taking the ttc…

Today I took the bus to go babysitting. Twas’ a regular day, I was looking hot and couldn’t wait to watch cable television. I sat by the window on the 61 journey up the hill to the ‘burbs.

Many a riff- raff, of all the empty seats this guy has to sit next to me?!  ”Hey this guy, you’re annoying!” seriously though, it is not nearly necessary to sit with your legs so goddamn spread apart. Your balls are not that large ( or are they?). Gimmie a break Mr.  -You’re taking up space, specifically mine!

Well, I’m not an angry person. I am passive aggressive. If forcing yourself to fart , shall we say release a warm discomfort on the bus while sitting next to a stranger so that you can have your seat all to yourself again… if this makes me a gross passive aggressive person, then so be it.

I think it’s gross that your balls need more than one seat ( seriously, get that checked ), and that you chose to share it with me.

die

Shalome

Being in a sticky situation has never made me blink an eye.

Shalome gets results!

Well, that girl is long gone. I am at an age where my looks no longer get me out of trouble. Now I have to become normal. I have to start following rules and obeying laws. Crap!

What kind of a society do we live in where a lovely lady becomes 30 and all her privileges get taken away? When did my beautiful batting eyes turn into drunken eye twitches? How did my lovely melodic voice become a harsh raspy screech? Why can’t my smile penetrate the minds of the unsuspecting?

Well here I go, like a riches to rags story, a girl lady trying to make it in this cruel harsh world.

Wish me luck!

Amie

You again.

Invading my dreams this time.  I had no idea my brain was such a traitor.

I dreamed that you were coming with me to meet my family.  Dream-you and dream-mom got along swimmingly, even though I hadn’t given her any indication I was planning on bringing you along.  You hugged me throughout the entire dream-walk from dream-bus-stop to dream-house, and I wondered what you would tell your new girlfriend about your twenty four hour disappearance.  Mind you, I didn’t really care; you were mine first, and besides, I know you still miss my real-life mind.  How else would you explain your reasons for still reading my real-life blog?

I woke up still clutching ephemera.  I wondered why I was laying in bed holding my sunglasses, but then I realized I was holding nothing.

Just like in real life.

Shalome

I have been 30 yrs. old  for one day now and I find myself a total mess. I have had the same clothes on for two days, I am bra-less, and for the life of me I cannot find a single pair of socks. My fridge contains hot sauce and pickles and my cupboard has three bags of sugar (two white one brown) and a can of mushroom soup. I have my DVD’s in something I like to call my ‘hobo cabinet’ which is really just a few grocery bags next to my TV.

Is this the direction I am heading in?

Have you ever seen one of those day time talk shows with the lady who has not left her house in 10 years because she can’t find the door? She has piles of old TV Guides and commemorative Star Trek plates all over. Then of course there are her 18 cats (or children as she calls them) pissing on everything.

That’s my future. Hello 30′s, I welcome you into my sad sad world.

Amie

There’s a bee in my goddamn window well.

I hate bees.  Wasps, too, which is what it might actually be.  It’s neither fluffy nor cute, and it looks like it wants to sting me numerous times without dying, so it’s probably a wasp.

I’ve only been stung once by a wasp/bee/hornet/flying asshole, and I kind of had it coming.  I was five, and playing on a beach with a styrofoam surfboard.  The wasp was somehow wedged between the surfboard and the dock, and I somehow managed to ram my knee into the wasp’s ass, thus stinging myself.

There was no one around to cry to, so I just went into the water, hoping that it would soothe my stung knee.

It didn’t.